20 Laser Puns to Split Your Sides (With Precision)

You might be wondering what a post about laser puns is doing on a tool/DIY website. Well, it’s simple…we love laser tools!  Laser tools can be used for everything from engraving designs to precision cuts. One of the main benefits of using lasers is that they are extremely accurate.

Anything that helps DIY-ers and professionals increase both speed and accuracy in their work is aces in our book.

We also think this post is a fun way to kick off our upcoming laser tool review section. So stay tuned for that, it’s going to be cool.

Anyway, here are some of our favorite laser puns to get you started. Enjoy!

Hilarious Laser Puns

  1. I had a laser printer that would talk to me, but I got rid of it because I didn’t like its toner voice.
  2. What do laser guns and churches have in common? Pews.
  3. A burglar broke into our house last night. I pointed my laser pointer at his forehead and let our three cats finish him off.
  4. My gun needs new laser sites. I’ve been missing my ex too much lately. 
  5. Did you hear about the laser the Jewish community sent into space? They say it Torah hole in the atmosphere.
  6. To conserve ammunition, I switched to a knife. The guys at Laser Tag were not happy. 
  7. I called tech support because I couldn’t figure out how to set my laser printer to “stun.”
  8. Getting laser surgery during the height of the Pandemic was risky…but at least I have 2020 vision. 
  9. Did you hear about the rabbi who opened the Lasik center? He was offering circumvisions. 
  10. Why did the cat cross the road? The chicken on the other side had a laser pointer.
  11. Goldfinger’s cat loved to chase lasers. Perhaps not surprisingly, tragedy ensued. 
  12. Something went wrong with my corrective eye surgery…now I’ve got gazerbeams. 
  13. My armchair can shoot death rays. It’s a “Lazer-Boy”. 
  14. A urologist tried starting a Lasik center, but was shut down because too many of his patients ended up cock-eyed. 
  15. The Navy’s new laser turret was too heavy to lift. I thought the laser would be light.
  16. Would somebody please tell me what laser hair is and why anyone would want that removed?? 
  17. I was very concerned about getting eye surgery. But now I can’t see any problem. 
  18. In my spare time, I help the blind. This new 3-watt laser pointer really works!
  19. I’m so laser-focused on my work I can’t even see straight.
  20. Michael Jackson liked his lasers like he liked his women. White and bright.

Wrapping it Up

Did you enjoy our list of laser puns? We sure had a blast putting it together. There’s no denying that laser puns are a blast! If you’re looking for more fun content like this, be sure to check out “61 Hysterical Tool Jokes & Puns for Construction Workers” and “50 Woodworking Puns & Jokes to Tell in the Shop”. And don’t forget to share this post with your friends – they’ll thank you for making them laugh (or groan).

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